[Monochromatic Stains]

The D-Cross Are Fucking Dead!

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 18:25:01 GMT

At least, it's dead so long as no one GOES there... ^<,<^

http://www.myspace.com/dcrosshasnomembers

Add, join the group, it's whatever you want to do with it right now. But, without members, or fans, it goes nowhere at this point.

Currently, "we" have no music on there. However, I'm going to be putting a spoken-word there, as well as a possible entry for the [hopefully] upcoming Celldweller remix contest here:

http://www.remix.celldweller.com/

ATM, I'm either thinking of possible remixes to the .wav raw formats, or making a "vs." song (assuming they allow that; I'd have to ask). In any event, you'll at least be seeing an old spoken-word of mine up within the next week or two on my Artist page.

This, of course, is assuming anyone still cares what I do.

Onto other news, though there isn't much, I seriously loathe LiveJournal for being unable to skin it correctly. That is, unless you know nearly all the command codes, safety codes, and possibly have a paid account, to work with it. However, I'm making great progress in learning, and shall even have not one (Wes's) skin, BUT TWO SKINS! Yes, that's right, I'm making a skin for my own LJ, as well, just as soon as I get much more fluent in these evil, rape-tastic codes.

And that is all.

So, until next, later on.

Random lyrics of unfinished songs

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 08:28:52 GMT

Waking up lonely never felt so right
Even if it's the same for many years
Not much control, absolved all my tears
Fear leaves faster now when it has no name
Home going quickly, my mind is next

... [working on around this and above part]

Watch a combustion flash of ending light
(This is not love - This is war - This is life)
Sighing yourself deeper into the night
(This is not love - This is war - This is life)
You've beat yourself up enough today
Ignoring the public, but not denying your fate
Nothing left to lose, but a whole lot to say
("Speak up! Rise up!"
"You head has a lot of truths untapped!")
Giving it a shot before it's too late
[Mostly done; may re-write, I think it's catchy...]

...

And...

Darkness, hide my fear
Light, show me a path
...
[I ain't got much, bite me... XD]

You give up far too easy for what these gods lack
Irony struck you down
(Doesn't mean you should strike yourself back!)
Pull the gun away from the head
And the knife from your back
Friends will betray you all the time
But life isn't something you can make again
I'm sitting in the middle of a moot point

[...Okay, it kinda sucks]

Oh yeah, I was tagged...

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 07:53:45 GMT

List seven songs you are into right now. It doesn't matter what genre, whether they have words, or even whether they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your livejournal along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they're listening to.

1. Kill The Music - Every Time I Die
2. The End of the World - Nina Gordon
3. Phone Home - The Dillinger Escape Plan
4. Seeing Double at the Triple Rock - NOFX
5. Moshi Moshi - Brand New
6. Machinehead - Bush
7. Story of my Life - Social Distortion

Tagging: Ash, Ley, Christian, Jason...and, uh, whatever other 3 people wanna do it.

The End of the World

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 17:29:54 GMT

((I'm listening to Nina Gordon; bite me for the title... XD ))

So okay, uh, posts 'n jokes 'n posts 'n...fuck, I don't even know, I kind of suck with LiveJournal blogs...

((Songs change to NOFX; "Seeing Double at the Triple Rock" [Never Trust A Hippie]))

Okay, I guess I have a thought of what to post about.

Ever wonder why some girls you used to date make better female friends? Case in point, with the exception of maybe 2-3 chicks I've dated, or tried to date, I've hit on almost every female I know at least once or twice. I'm surely not the only one, but it's actually my doing this that got them "closer to me" (their words, not mine, but agreed).

Then, we have the other half, the ex-girlfriends; girls actually crazy or desperate enough to be with me in one form or another (couple on the internet, some offline, etc., etc.). After them either a.) cheating on me, or b.) having the intent to cheat on me, and us splitting up, I've stayed friends with...eh, 50% of them. A few grew distant, but with no actual hate, and 1-2 of 'em outright piss me off. The last one, well, we HAD broken up for Reason B, but then she comes back over a month later, a week after the last blog entry, and almost confessed to me "feelings she still had". Apparently, she missed the memo: I'm seeing other people.

Still, that sucked for the first time, being the dumper, and not the dumpee.

So anyway, uh, there's a nonsensical rant from me, about why I like having female friends that don't kick me in the nuts [often] for hitting on them, and having ex-girlfriends that aren't [always] bitter and half-insane as they were when I dated them.

Until next, later on.

Wouldn't be the first "call," but was still a new first

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 21:49:53 GMT

"I'm sorry...but, if you don't stop acting like a prick, I'm gonna stop talking with you"

"The fuck? How am I supposed to react? 'I was going to tell you tonight that I still loved you, and glad you waited for me...?' Waited a month, after all that bullshit?!"

"Stop it!"

"You know I started talking to someone else a week ago, didn't you...?"

*crying/broken apologies* "...B-but."

"...Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but at least I technically told you before you came outright and, uhm, 'confessed' all of these feelings to me."

*sniffling* "Y-yeah..."

"That's been worse, no?"

"Y-yes, you're right."

"...So, just so you know, I love you, too, and honestly, I kind of wouldn't mind getting back with you some of the time---"

"Really...?"

"---But, then other times, I think that was probably the worst thing you and me ever did to each other."

"I...didn't think so, but I understand."

"Meh, you don't. Neither do I. But, if you really want to take this seriously this time around...I'll leave her, and we can start over like nothing ever happened."

"...No."

"Hm?"

"I know that I put you through hell, and today's probably even moreso on that. Besides, you seem happier with Amy."

"Even though she's not here...?"

"In most ways, neither was I; and, if we were to get back together, I'd feel awful for your having to tell someone whom you've grown to care for so much you're leaving them for an ex."

"In fairness, didn't you leave YOUR ex for me...?"

"...Haha, touche, asshole." *both laugh* "So...friends?"

"So long as we can still fuck."

"Watch it mister; I don't sleep with guys that have girlfriends."

"Fine, make-out, whatever works for you." *small laugh*

"Oi, why do I feel like you're not so new at this?"

"At what, being a lech to even female friends?"

"Exactly!"

"They know that I'm secretly an awesome guy, hehe."

*sigh* "Damn you, Jake, damn you to hell..." *both laugh*

Friends Will Betray You...

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 00:32:06 GMT

S'funny, but it does actually hurt a little, on-or-offline, that not only would I not be missed going somewhere I'd been a pretty fairly active, collected member of for nearly 3 years, but people were actually cheering about it, laughing, flaming me...it only proves MY point, not theirs. They don't win, I do; while they take their jabs, and continue to point out any time I go to read their weak attempts at being "awesome" on that same shitty place I'm leaving just as soon as they stop making me laugh about it.

Really, it is funny how I'm the "most hated member on the forum since *insert n00b here*." They actually put effort into making sure I know how much they hate me, when I pretty much settled it last night, a few last posts today, and right here.

See, taking the internet seriously is usually what gets me this way sometimes.

I regret nothing short of being there this long; a site full of former "duelists" with no actual skill anymore, beating off to crappy child porn from WEBE, etc. sites. Whenever they're NOT not playing card-games, or Hide-the-13-Year-Old-Porn, they're skimming 4Chan and ImageShack for the latest joke they can post to death for the course of the night, and using a jargon collective that makes Ebonics look less-depressing to the English language.

But hey, don't take my word for it; Lord knows no one believed me when I said the place was going to fall one day. It's coming soon, too. No torch will be handed down, and if it is, it will fall immediately after. We killed it. More accurately, you all killed it, I fanned a flame or two, and then left my post to chase after things that were pure in heart, mind, and belief. Belief, a thing you don't have right. You believe that you hurt me. You believe you're awesome.

Reality. Reality is you're all without a purpose now. =D

And for something random...

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 00:03:35 GMT

I am the mission.

You're a mecha pilot!

You might be a sub-category of bishounen, but this hardly matters since you don't notice anything that didn't feature in the last edition of Guns'n'Ammo magazine. You have been trained since an unfeasibly early age to be a machine of death and destruction. If you've noticed an annoying girl following you around and repeatedly getting into danger and requiring rescue recently, run like hell - she's probably your love interest...

Which generic anime character are you?

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 23:49:30 GMT

I figure that if anyone wished to looked at this anymore, I might as well put some updates in my life for the past month or so...

-Female I was "dating" for 4-5 months, if you could really call it that, pretty much purged from thoughts now. Reasons are fairly simple: I gave it a month of letting it fuck me up, whilst at the same time trying to recover anything we'd once had to maybe not have to be so hard on myself so quickly. Okay, maybe it's not so simple as that...but meh, that's about the best way to put it.
-While this month of self-hate and mixed emotions ran under my usually goofy surface (I don't usually hide things well; this was an exception), I'd actually been talking with a girl online that I have strong feelings for.

^The combined actions of these two little parts (read: my finally telling the new female what my problems were), I'd almost considered getting back with the ex. But, because of a very much powerful eye-opening conversation with said ex not two days later, I felt totally fucked up for putting Amy (the new lady) through my bullshit completely behind her back. Now...well, things have changed, but it's not really for the bad; last time we talked, she seemed alright with everything...

Other updates:
-Still without a steady god-damned job. Seriously, how hard is it to find work? Apparently, too hard for me, because I've done next to everything to get jobs that pay. I even went to Roswell's unemployment office, where even people barely fluent in English are getting hired for making shoddy resumes. Ah well, my next "attempt" is gonna be Leprino (that cheese plant way out in the boondocks towards the college).
-Assuming I ever get enough cash, I'm going to start a small website for Graphic Design, Web Design, and possibly to sell some crap. Among the crap will be Digital Paintings (of which I've done...one, haha), possibly T-shirts with prints/designs of my own, and a handful of others, choosing, and maybe my own CDs...
-Speaking of CDs, I think I want to make some. Not many...alright, hell, no one knows short of people on forums I've posted the lyrics, know that I want to cut actual albums. I want to make a solo-project first-and-foremost, "Right-Sightless," to see just how far that could take me. After awhile, I might consider trying to get a band together, or dropping the whole thing completely. I'd post the things I have so far, like lyrics, a cover concept, etc., but I figure that warrants a different entry, another time...

And, finally, Roswell is pretty fucking boring lately for me, what, with my "friends" still here not inviting me to do much of anything, and not a whole lot to actually do. Way I see it, the solitude gives me time to write, read, and occasionally screw around on Photoshop...still, I'm fucking bored sometimes.

Ah well, that's enough for this installment from the "19-year-old fat dude no one thankfully remembers from high school," hmhm. Until next, lovers, friends, rivals, and complete wastes of genetic material, keep on doing whatever it is you do until the big one blows us all up before I'm 40.

I hate insomnia...

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 08:46:27 GMT

I close my eyes to see the past 4-5 months wasted.
I avoid hearing certain songs to not hear myself singing them.
I have trouble saying things I used to "feel" without knowing I'm lying.

...

*sigh*

I think I'm doing something wrong right now, feeling like this past week has been a horrible mistake. I keep thinking I'm past it, and past her...especially with all the sick gut feelings I keep getting, like I'd gotten even before. Heck, we'd even tried being friends, but the serious lack of it being serious...it pissed me off. It actually hurt, in fact, to be poked fun at for still carrying some feelings, and then called "old" and "icky" because of it (a joke...I dunno...).

I wonder, what was I thinking? Hell, what am I still thinking, feeling like this every single night since that one. What do I have to do...? I thought by now, I'd be a pro at giving up on the girls I could never see, but always felt the most for. Maybe...that's just it, I need to give up. Even though there are still so much left unanswered, I can't keep going back to the source, and attempt to salvage the nerve to ask the questions.

I...I'm gonna sleep on it, if I can anymore.

Last Goddess (Within the Hour)

Sun, 28 May 2006 09:23:16 GMT

I would give anything to continue to love you the way I did. But, it seems my soul just wasn't meant for it, and so it changed my views...

The way I feel about it all...

Less than a few weeks it took
To start on top of the author's nest
Just fall straight to the floor
Crashing; broken glass everywhere you look
Making airplanes of words that tie
Together; forever was the biggest lie
Blowing in the wind, tearing up the rest
One single page makes it to the door

"Write this off as the story of change
Within the hour only you will see
Declinations these pages will arrange
I know what we've said so long
Which is why it's the saddest song
But revival now means the most to me
So today, find someone else to take my page"

Do I cry or do I burn?
Do I despise or do I spurn?
Do I just look elsewhere to devote?
Somehow I can't move from the door
I still sense something living here
Then I see ashes across the floor

What lead to the paper-thin mess?
Unwrap the letter faster than the dress...

"Written as the feelings ran dry
Many hours after clove cigarettes and gin
And that determined look from your eyes
One and the same that may be crying now
I'd say sorry, but don't know how
At the very least I'll try to begin
But for now, please accept my goodbye"

Feelings disappear, as do ash and bottle
As wind sweeps the place bone-clean
One last sign left behind making me think
Outright; broken glass gone from the rubble
A single fifth of gin still in one piece
Standing; forever was your extended release
Blowing is the wind, as I take the drink
One last prayer to a goddess unseen

Meh...adding-on.

Thu, 25 May 2006 22:34:07 GMT

daxion_cross

That's my "business" LJ, along with my "business" Xanga, http://www.xanga.com/Daxion

Just in case anyone wanted to know, of course.

Stealing / Update

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 17:46:07 GMT

YOU CAN ONLY TYPE ONE WORD!!! NO EXPLANATIONS

One Word Survey:

1. Yourself:
Tired

2. Your Lover:
Beautiful

3. Your Hair:
Mixed

4. Your Mother:
Stressed

5. Your Father:
Burnout

6. Your Favorite Sense:
Sight

7. Your Dream Last Night:
Yummy~ (...sorry, stealing a word from my girlfriend, as well. XDD)

8. Your Favorite Drink:
Vodka

9. Your Dream Home?
Quiet

10. The Room You are In?
Clean-ish

11. Your Pet:
None

12. Who You Are Now:
Annoyed

13. Who You Want to be in Ten Years:
EarlyRetiree

14. What You Want to have in Ten Years:
EverythingNowIsPrettyGoodSoThat

15. What You're Not:
Patient

16. Your Best Friend:
NastyAssWal-MartHaircut... XD

17. One of Your Wishlist Items:
Vodka (again XD )

18. Your Gender:
Male

19. The Last Thing You Did:
Slept

20. What You Are Wearing:
Yesterday'sClothes

21. Your Favorite Weather:
Snowing

22. Your Favorite Book:
Wyrm

23. The Last Thing You Ate:
TurkeySandwich

24. Your Life:
HalfFailingHalfAwesome

25. Your Mood:
Pissed

To update, one simple, and not even accurate, joke has apparently disleveled a certain asshole + girlfriend to asshole more than most anything else I have ever individually said to any of them the past year (which, really, I haven't said anything bad to the girlfriend, so she really has no reason to be a bitch to me). Well, not that it wasn't a reckoning, after all the screwing they had been doing to my Masks and such days before, but I actually didn't post that song with ill intent.

But ah well, they're angsty little Jihad isn't really my cup of tea, so I'm kind of just going to watch and see what happens.

Oh yeah, and college finals start next week, so if anyone cared, I might not be around as much for those 7-14 days of testing/studying.

Am I the last one again? Shit... XD

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 07:02:55 GMT

Once you are tagged you MUST write a blog about your 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next six people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I'm far too perceptive for my own good sometimes.
2. I know when people lie to me, even if I act like completely blind to it.
3. Most people don't understand how I can completely swap genres of music I'm listening to at a moment (ex.: Listening to Thrice on second, Lit the next, then going to something like BT...)
4. My voice, sadly, still cracks to this day sometimes.
5. I can sometimes sing high-pitched notes better than some girls (takes a lot of preparing, though)
6. My photo manipulation collection exceeded 100 projects the second day after I got Photoshop, but I've only shown off maybe 3 full-images, and a couple minor things in banner (signature) form.

Tagging...screw it, no one really left to tag. XD

Haley and myself work on a shitty game-script together... =D

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 04:36:32 GMT

Pretty much the title says it all, and we've been working on it for a whole 2 days now. Actually, the majority of it was and is still her idea, and I'm just giving her some help hammering it out, adding/making some elements to the game, monster designs, etc. But anyway, on with the description-thing...

The game has the working title "Dreamkiller," and it's of the survival horror genre. In this game, you play as Evelyn, a young woman who saw her own dad rape/kill her mother at 8 years old, and has presently lost her brother in a car accident.

Then, the nightmares she was having started getting worse.

What she once thought was probably some traumatic issues has now turned into something far worse, and far more terrifying. It's not even her dreams anymore, but she feels like she's being sucked into the nightmares of people she knows and meets. Even more difficult to comprehend is just how real it all looks, feels...just as if they were no longer mere nightmares.

Anyway, I'll keep anyone that ever reads this thing posted on the changes and development of this game. It kind of falls into a lot of the same "feel" of Silent Hill, but it's completely it's own dark entity of a game.

Until the next, later on.

Random Update / Jacked Memes

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 09:43:17 GMT

--METALHEAD--
Uh, not all of Metal is atheist or hedonistic (look it up, because Satanism is the wrong choice...)
[ ] Do you have long hair?
[ ] Do you like Beer?
[ ] Have you ever been in a Moshpit? (Not like anyone in Roswell would know what one was, anyway.)
[ ] You don't believe in God?
[ ] You got a Pentagram on some clothing article etc.?
[x] You own some spikes?
[ ] Can you play guitar?
[x] Can you growl?
[x] Do you own Boots?
[x] Do you rock out?
Total X: 4

--DRAMA DORK--
This should've been re-labeled "Future Homosexual/Failed Actress" or something.
[x] Ever been in a play?
[x] Have you ever seen a Broadway show? (in fairness, it was a shitty school version of one...)
[ ] More than 10 Broadway shows?
[ ] Have you ever been/are you in school shows?
[ ] Does your current job involve theater in some way?
[ ] Want to end up working in/for theater?
[ ] Can you recite all of the lyrics to your favorite play/musical?
[x] Do you break out into random songs whenever/wherever?
[ ] Do you like the 'Sound of Music'?
[x] Did you like the Broadway show you saw? (it was shitty, but it was still a good show)
Total X: 4

--REDNECK--
This was the only one actually right on the whole test...that's depressing.
[ ] Do you have a couch in your front yard or porch?
[x] Do you drive a truck?
[ ] Do you ride four-wheelers?
[x] Do you like to get dirty?
[ ] Do you like country music?
[x] Do you have a broken car in your back yard? (and front, and next door at my old, busted-up house...I'm so white-trash...)
[ ] Do you own a cowboy/girl hat?
[x] Do you have more then 4 different animals at your home? (Mostly wild and "domesticated" cats, along with the two dogs.)
[ ] Do you watch Larry the Cable Guy videos?
[ ] Do you live on more than 1 acres? (I have 5, but we only really live on about 1 or 2 of it.)
Total X: 4

--GOTH--
Because, after all, you know how popular it is to not be a conformist by wearing the same bondage pants and black t-shirts as your friends! =D
[ ] Do you wear black eyeliner?
[x] Is most of your clothing dark?
[x] Do you hate the world? (But I hate the regressing, parasitic ants of mankind far more... =D )
[ ] Do you want to die?
[x] Are you a social outcast? (Don't drink or own a farm as a white kid, you're boned; don't listen to shitty Rap and have a girl pregnant by 15 as a brown kid, same fate...)
[ ] Are you pale?
[ ] Do you like Hot Topic?
[ ] Do you enjoy Tim burton movies?
[x] Are you mean? (Not all the time or anything, just when I really feel like I hate someone/something.)
Total X: 4

--SKATER/PUNK--
Not all Punks skateboard, and not all skaters are punks...my God, the internet is full of regressed carcasses...
[ ] Can you skateboard?
[ ] Do you wear Skateboarding shoes?
[x] Do you do stupid stuff with your friends?
[ ] Have you gotten in trouble with the Cops
[ ] Do you watch the x-games?
[ ] Do/did you have any piercings other than your ears?
[ ] Do you like/wear a mohawk?
[x] Do you wear Band t-shirts?
[x] Have you called someone a poser recently? (I do believe whoever made this test from the start would be a target...)
Total X: 3

--PREP--
Yeah, uh, a test failed to mention, yet again, that A-F OWNS Hot Topic... XD
[x] Do you say the word "like"?
[ ] Do you shop at Hollister/Abercrombie&Fitch/AE/Aero?
[x] Do the people in Hot Topic scare you? (In the sense that most of them only get their culture from that shit-hole, maybe...)
[x] Do u giggle alot when youre with your friends/girlfriend/boyfriend?
[ ] do you watch(ed) LAGUNA BEACH? (The only douchebags that watch that show are the same 10 uber-popular, privledged brats that everyone outside of their worship circle wants to beat the hell out of...y'know, for the long-short of it)
[ ] Do you like pop music?
[ ] Do you want/have a little dog?
[x] Do you laugh a lot?
Total X: 4

--HIPPIE--
See also: Bad mix-up with Indie and/or Straight-Edge, but note the failing to ask if any drugs have been taken, or if the "Hippie" in question wasn't just a selfish prick/twat that just didn't want to work any kind of a stable job.
[ ] Is your hair long?
[ ] do you own a tye-dye shirt?
[x] Do you want to save the animals?
[/] Do you think war is unnecessary? (It really depends, because some of these wars could've ended far faster if we didn't give the fuck to not blow some countries sky-high, or lie about why we fought in other countries for years of attrition.)
[x] Do you like classic rock?
[x] Have you ever participated in a protest? (School really doesn't count, but whatever, this whole thing is bull...)
[x] Have you ever been overcome with a desire to hug a tree? (...When drunk? XD )
[ ] Is your idea of fun sitting around one person playing a guitar and singing along? (Yeah, uh, hippies aren't the only ones doing this, anyway)
[ ] Do you see someone playing frisbee and automatically ask to play?
Total X: 4 1/2

--GANGSTA--
I'm like B-Rad, but fat...and I actually have more talent than that Jamie Kennedy hack.
[x] Do you act ghetto sometimes?
[ ] Do you wear do-rags?
[/] Do you like hip-hop? (Sometimes; some stuff is even more regressive than Country, but you lot probably knew that.)
[ ] Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?
[x] Do you believe he's alive? (He's in Japan, under the Engrish name, 2 Pav...think about it...)
[ ] Do you like afros?
[x] Have you ever said "Fo Sho"?
[x] Do you like to dance?
[x] Do You own 40 cd's... (But only maybe 4 are full Rap CDs; I usually download that stuff.)
total x: 2

--EMO--
Oh, this shall be ever so much fun to scream at my computer at 2:30 a.m. towards...
[ ] Do you cry often?
[x] Do you wear hoodies?
[x] Do you like soft music? (Dillinger's soft, right...? XD )
[x] Do people not understand you? (It's because I'm either smarter than them, or because no one really "gets" my humor some of the time)
[x] Do you write your own poems?
[x] Do you die your hair red, black, or any dark color? (not in about a year now, of course)
[ ] Do you cut your own hair?
[x] Do you sometimes feel very lonely?
[ ] Is "Ohio is for lovers" by Hawthorne Heights a good song? (...There's just no way to describe the hate I have to hearing that band anywhere; them, Simple Plan, Good Charlotte, and My Chemical Romance are the only bands that I'd kill myself to end the pain of hearing them, but not before killing the source of it...)
Total X: 6

--SURFER--
...WTH? I'm in New Mexico... =P
[ ] Do you surf?
[ ] Do you wear flip flops all year around?
[x] Is your hair shaggy/layered?
[ ] Do you wake up before 6 every morning?
[x] Do you own any pairs of shorts?
[ ] Do you think the ocean is radical?
[ ] Are you tan?
[ ] Do you want to be at the beach right now?
[x] Do you hate tourists? ("Hey, do you live here? How do I get to *insert shitty store, UFO Museum, etc.* from this place?" - "Easy, you go on Main, and drive all the way until you get to the Wal-Mart. Then, when you get there, keep driving for about, oh, 3 more hours until you're far enough the fuck away from my town to not ask me dumbass questions. And for the record, that damn spaceship crashed in Corona, and has ruined my town long before I was even born. So kindly leave me to my music, go fuck yourself/yourselves, and go back to whatever RV Park or Hippie-ass commune you decided to crawl from." - "...So take a left on 2nd---?" - *I walk away, very pissed*)
Total X: 3

--GEEK--
...Where's the question asking if I eat a chicken's head?
[ ] Do you wear glasses?
[ ] Do you get good grades?
[ ] Do you use an inhaler?
[ ] Do you stick pens and calculators into your shirt pockets?
[ ] Does your mom pick out your clothes?
[x] Are you on the computer often?
[x] Do you ever get picked on?
[x] Do you look forward to going to school?
[ ] Are you shy around the opposite sex?
[x] Do you play video games?
Total X: 4

And that thing Andrew tagged me for:

Put your music player on random, then write the titles of the first twenty songs that come up, and add 'in my pants.' Then tag five people to do this...

1: The Clash - The Card Cheat in my pants
2: The Black Dahlia Murder - Contagion in my pants (...She said she was clean! DX)
3: Talking Heads - The Facts of Life in my pants (Irony much?)
4: The Clash - Jimmy Jazz in my pants
5: Bleeding Through - Sweet Vampirous in my pants
6: Sparta - Rx Coup in my pants (Maybe this can help with the #2 I got from either #1, #4, or #5)
7: Bleeding Through - Revenge I Seek in my pants
8: Incubus - Make Yourself in my pants
9: Powerman 5000 - Good Times Roll in my pants
10: Stabbing Westward - The Thing I Hate in my pants (I'd always figured me and what was in my pants had a good relationship)
11: Stone Temple Pilots - Unglued in my pants
12: Darkest Hour - The Patriot Virus in my pants
13: Thrice - Hideous Strength in my pants (FUCKIN' RIGHT! DDX )
14: Brand New - The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows in my pants
15: Poison the Well - Lazzaro in my pants
16: Danzig - Twist of Cain in my pants
17: Rollins Band - Liar in my pants
18: Atom & His Package - Upside Down from Here in my pants
19: Blood Brothers - God Bless You, Blood Thirsty Zeppelins! in my pants (How the shit did this crap get on my list...? XD )
20: Dillinger Escape Plan - Sunshine the Werewolf in my pants.

Taggin': Christian, Sarah (Iris), Jason (if the fucker ever even updates past once a month... XD ), Ley (ditto), and Zach...or whoever, I don't rightly care if this lives or dies. XDD

A Past That Binds

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 07:35:44 GMT

Alright, this is going to seem unbecoming, since I'm actually in one of the greatest moods I've been in all week, but here it goes.

I think I need to completely shut off all of my past.

I mean, yes, I've said I would before, and have cut ties all of weeks or months before coming right back to the same people. Or, in other cases, say I've been over losses of all shapes and forms for months, or even years for some others, and still end up talking about them as some kind of "proof" that I existed once to someone or something. The thing about that is, why MUST I need a past to exist? It's like, without people knowing exactly where I come from, I'm not even sure most people give a shit about me in the present. People I deal with daily, for example, usually just come and go into and from my life, and it really doesn't effect me either way. On the other hand, all of my hardest losses, and the voices of my past, are about all I can think of and dream of when I'm truly feeling alone. Even most of my friends are just people I most times haven't even MET in real life over these past few years. About the only tangible things I have right now are those closest to me, and even that numbers down to about maybe 4-5 people, if even that.

Guess this is kind of part of actually growing up, and realizing that I'm really not going to be here for my whole life. I've known for ages I need to move forward, and get out of my constrictions with a past of old friends, old girlfriends, and old gravestones, actually move myself into a present full of progression and growth, and hopefully into a future of peace, self-value, and independence. There might be other things in my future, as well...I'm really not all sure on these things, since it's all still so early to say how far some things have come, but I have other hopes and dreams.

She did tell me that I needed to live my life...maybe I should actually try doing it.

Later on, I'm out for a long vacation.

Pretty heavy for only being online for less than an hour last night...

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 20:43:01 GMT

Well, guess they all were pretty much right about it. Hell, even I'd known it was going to happen, just really didn't figure it was going to happen this late into it.

6 months ago, this was about all I'd thought about happening, and now that it has, about the only way I can react to it is just keeping my distance. So many months ago, I'd taken this as a blind chance, but things have changed so much since then, and gratefully for the better.

Still, g'luck, and I'll still be around.

.....

...Oh, and in other news, I'm still doing pretty good. Got somewhat low marks in my English class, so far as I know, but I'm still passing it. I think I'm actually passing all of my classes with some average grades right now. So, I might just survive college yet. Things are also going well with my friends, and my girlfriend, so have no complaints there. I'm actually doing very good about now.

If this is the case, though, why do I still feel like crap? =/

Feel the wrath of the Super-Jack, the Super-Jack... (Jade, Andrew, Ash, etc.)

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 00:46:45 GMT

1. Honestly, are you in love right now?
I'd like to think so

2. Honestly, what color is your underwear?
Gray

3. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
"When will someone start telling me the full truth...?"

4. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
This thing, and some of my English

5. Honestly, what did you do today?
Not much of anything...woke up around 11 this morning, showered around 2 this afternoon, and got online at 4.

6. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
I guess in some ways, but probably wouldn't hurt for me to lose my man-boobs and gut.

7. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
Don't think so...

8. Honestly, do you watch disney channel?
I do peek to see if they'll ever reveal Walt Disney's frozen corpse to the kids.

9. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
Kind of

10. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
Solitude, or just hanging out with a small group of people. Mostly solitude, though.

11.Honestly, do you bite your nails?
Often, sadly

12. Honestly, what is your mood right now?
Sorta depressed, sort of happy...odd mix.

13. Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment?
A few certain people, but would rather not say.

14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
Some

15. Honestly, do you hate someone right now?
Most definitely

16. Honestly, do your wrists hurt?
Not since I cut them last year... ;D

17. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?
...Eh, not really

18. Honestly, do you like someone?
Yes

19. Honestly, does anyone like you?
Yeah, a couple people are waiting around, I think.

20. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?
Yup

Noir-Baptism is late; "So...you're sending ME roses?"

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 02:58:57 GMT

Some women are kinda weird, but I guess that it doesn't matter all that much. I'm actually pretty fond of it. ^_^;

Anyway, glory be, I'm 19 in about 5 more hours, my time. I'm already feeling rather old now, and it helps that most of your remind me of it all the time. Oh, and for the record, Matt said it first, so anyone planning it tonight (as if anyone cared... XD ) are already too late.

Also, I'm behind on my self-made schedule for my Noir pieces, because of things like homework and shopping online, so I suppose I'll be getting back to working on those most this week. Don't be offended if I don't respond right away, or if I randomly scream at you about something not working right, etc., etc., it's just the way my work process sometimes work. Procrastination is a nice thing like that...speaking of, shit, I still have to do some Operating Environments stuff. Shit, guess I'll be going off to do that.

And for the witty comment of the night: The rock lobster is passed on the right-hand side, don't even pass me anything from the left-hand side, and here comes the rooster again. [Don't worry, this doesn't make much sense to me either, but it's a trend someone's trying to get me to start...]

Later on, Net-dwellers, and be sure to hit me up for NetBattles for Pokemon now - my Eevee Squad will own thee... DX

Rattling the Cage

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 19:12:56 GMT

First, I'd like to say I'm EXTREMELY happy with the early birthday gift that I got from someone I barely even know: Adobe Creative Suite 2 Premium. =D

Second, I'm mostly updating to just say hi and all, mention that I'm "on file" after my second job interview (which means I'm likely not getting it soon, or at all), and I'm still (somewhat) alive.

Meh, that's all, later on, for now.

Moonlight Magician

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 08:09:16 GMT

I can honestly say that, so far, school and life has been going a bit better for me. I might be working soon, which would be a big plus in my need of steady cash after the past holidays, and possibly for the upcoming ones (counting A-Kon as a holiday, obv., assuming I find means to still work that into my plans again this year). Plus, I would like to eat food not usually found in snack machines once in awhile.

Speaking of food, the place I'm looking to work, a bloody Chili's, of all places, might just hire me for a buser yet. Got to check back again on Thursday, but it really didn't seem like there were many other people jumping at the chance to pick up whatever wasn't gourged on afterwards during the lunch shift and weekends. XD

But anyway, other things...yeah, school, check...work prospects, check...oh yeah, my Noir series! I've almost finished Noir-Baptism, which is by far less "thrown together" as the Raine piece, of which I should update the fixed version sometime. Also, it's got some of THE highest quality female stocks I've ever seen in my life, and there's a lot of other quality stuff there, too. I mean, like, true professional-like, and this woman did almost the whole thing herself. Ever get a chance, check some of the stuff out: http://www.foeten.de/

I think I'm even going to use a few for my third installment, Devils in the Dust. I'll also work a whole story into this whole series of art-stuff, kind of in the same way they did Gungrave. Y'know, how the "beginning" of the series was actually about the middle-end of it? Yeah, that'll do nicely...

Anyway, done ranting for the night. I guess I'll catch you all around or something, depending if school doesn't completely take my weekends apart, as well. ^_^;

Later on

Online store to add to future project...?

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 09:39:10 GMT

Okay, most haven't noticed (I don't think I've even really told many people about it), but I'm going back into the web business, somewhat, with my future GFX/Music site, Meteor Pyre (based off my new-ish composite GFX/Music production company, which I may someday copyright). Well anyway, I figured that it was mostly just going to be a site that would offer support in making some websites, possibly even make the whole thing for a price. Now, I'm thinking of maybe adding another feature to the non-existant thing: merchandise.

In fact, I'm thinking of selling some clothes on it, such as clothes with the "Silent Howl of the Ring-Wolf" (my current name for my Grindcore/Ambient music projects) logos, and possibly getting a new concept going with some other clothing types. Plus, I'd open it to anyone that wanted to sell their own "underground" products, for a small payment fee, as it DOES cost money to run this caliber of website.

But, again, this is all just an idea, and probably won't come into play until far after this Summer. As of currently, it's only in the "I have most of this shit coded-out for on my computer, but I can't host the motherfucker because of no money or manufacturer" stage. ^_^;

Oh, in other news, I'm one of only two people who know how to code next-to-perfect in my Intro to Web Page Creation class. The class has a whole 7-8 people in it...this is sad. XD

Anyway, all is said and done, so later on.

Andy tagged meh...

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 06:24:09 GMT

1. Write down 7 things that piss you off
2. Write down 7 things that make you happy
3. Tag 7 people

Things that piss me off:
1)Disrespect/abuse of any kind
2)Outright laziness (Ironic, I know)
3)Scene kids
4)Heat
5)Mainstream music/"progressed" music
6)Stupid people (especially the ones that breed)
7)Hot-Topic Goths/Punks

Things that make me happy:
1)Good music
2)Sketching
3)Talking to girls and NOT getting hit
4)Messing around on Photoshop/sound recorder/stuff on the computer in general
6)Sleeping
5)Playing video games
7)Buying nice stuff

And, since Ryo tagged most the same I would've, I'll just tag Christian, Jade, Iris, and Kirisa (three others on my list can do this by all means, though)

Hm, I fail the gender...?

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 08:34:01 GMT

-Has girlfriend
-Is going to college
-Types/speaks with close-to-perfect speech
-Respects people who deserve it
-Has self-control
-Doesn't obsess over card games
-Can take jokes up to the point of requesting I get banned, or saying I fail the gender

*yawn* Meh, ah well, if all comes around full-circle as I think it will, I'll always quit. Not like I really do anything except, oh, attempt to mediate, and delete/close some topics. But, yeah, guess nothing too important when I make a joke about guys drooling over a female over it obviously being mostly the over-obsessed Yugimon players on a Yu-Gi-Oh! forums. Oh, mercy me!

Grow the fuck up. =D

Later on

Jack Thompson has gone much too far...

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 05:53:02 GMT

http://duelistgroundz.com/index.php?showtopic=21313&st=0&#entry335220

Or, if you're not a member, and just want to go straight to the source...

http://s13.invisionfree.com/GAJ_2/index.php?showtopic=1330&st=0&

No amount of words can express my, and possibly even your, hate for this man's "belief"...

"We are the silent giant, and you just woke it."